Recently my daughter asked me if I was sad that I was the only one in our family with lighter hair and freckles. To say it mildly, I was shocked and puzzled by this question. “What would make her ask me that question?” I pondered.

Having both felt like we were the “odd” looking one in our families, my husband and I have always talked about helping our children embrace their differences and not feel uneasy about their uniqueness. So, to hear that the world’s subliminal message of “different is wrong” had already somehow gotten into my daughter’s thoughts bothered me. I try to be very mindful of the books and the television shows our kids are exposed to, but I know that the messages of the world are likely to creep in at some point. This was definitely one that I wanted to address right away.

Teaching our children how to embrace their uniqueness and be comfortable with being set apart from the crowd is very important to me, especially in society today where everything is so cliche and trendy. It is such a norm, if not the goal, to do what everyone else is doing, wear the thing that everyone else is wearing, have the things that everyone else has, and be like what you see on TV and social media. It is so bad that it makes me wonder if people really know each other anymore. Do people even know themselves? Do people know their own taste in clothes, products, foods, book genres, or even their own views on controversial topics? Do people know what they believe in their hearts, or have they been so brainwashed by modern culture and trying to be like the people they see on the popular sites?

Many people, young and old, are trying to be into what is “in” or popular in the culture and it’s something that any of us can fall prey to and not even realize if we are not paying attention. As a young person, I experienced this personally in my own life, and I want my children to learn from my experience as they journey into a life of their own experiences.

My Story
I was born with very pale skin and bright orangish/red hair, eventually developing a face full of freckles. I was so different from everyone in my family, and to jazz up the equation of me, I also had a mouth that would not quit. Lol I was very different from my friends and everyone in my household. I was bold and forthright in my expressed my thoughts, and I soon learned that the way I was, was not acceptable. Or at least that is what I felt. At an early age, I started to feel like my uniqueness was a bad thing and that the right thing was everybody else around me. Thank God there was no social media or reality TV when I was growing up, or I could have easily gotten swept up in the world of defining myself through those messaging avenues.

One conversation I had with my mother helped me begin to embrace my uniqueness. After telling her about being teased about my fire-cracker red hair, she shared with me that many women were paying a lot of money to try to look like me. At first, I did not know what she meant, but then she pulled out a box of auburn hair color to show me that she was one of them. 🙂 My mother was born with jet black hair, but she would slightly lighten it with a hint of Auburn to give it a reddish tint when I was a child. She probably does not realize it, but that conversation was the catalyst to me embracing what I looked like and being thankful for being different. I walked away from that conversation feeling special instead of oddly different. Several years later, when I started to connect my identity to WHO I was in Christ, my confidence came full circle. I understood and embraced that I was wonderfully made through the hands of God. Defining myself through God’s loving image changed my entire perspective, helping me to fully love my uniqueness and individuality and appreciate who God made me to be.

I want my children to have that same realization for themselves at an early age. So I am being purposeful and mindful about how I help them. Here are 5 steps that I am intentionally taking to help my children embrace being unique and gaining value from being set apart from the crowd.

1. I am helping my children understand their identity in Christ. For me, this is of primary importance and where it all begins. Once we come to know, understand, and value who God says we are, then man/woman’s opinion doesn’t really matter. There are several passages in the Bible that I use to emphasize this for my children. I share that God says they are wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), they are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), He formed them in my womb, and He created them with care and precision, making no mistakes (Psalm 139: 13).
2. I am helping my children realize that oftentimes a person’s rejection is God’s form of protection. I can’t tell you the countless times that I didn’t get a job a thought I was qualified, or a relationship ended and I felt dissed or dismissed. BUT, I can also tell you that on the other side, years later, I can totally see how God was positioning me for better and protecting me from people who were toxic or not in my best interest.
3. I am helping my children be ok with being left out sometimes. I did not always understand this and to this day, it is still hard when it happens but I have come to accept that sometimes being set apart is required for the purpose that God has for your life. God has protected me and my reputation many times by excluding me. So I really want my children to learn not force doors open with people, events, jobs, or situations that just aren’t working out for them, even if everyone else around them is doing it.
4. I am helping my children understand they will never be truly fulfilled trying to be like others. This is a lesson that will develop over time but it is an essential life lesson. I’m sure we can all think of someone we know that tries to be someone or something they are not and it is not only impossible to maintain but it is also impossible to have real happiness that way.
5. Finally, I will help my children understand the importance of keeping several degrees of separation between self and the daily social media/ news feed. Whether we realize it or not when those things constantly monopolize our screens, our hearing and viewing, they influence us… what we do, what we say, and what we believe.

I’m sure their journeys will be their own and different from mine but I am thankful to be able to help them and guide them along the way. I’m also thankful for the opportunity to document this life lesson for them.